Electric Companies, Leagalized Rape- A Retrospective

By Tresckow

Yes, Adel has the Friday slot as far as The Fuse Was Too Cold articles. But, this was too important. An injustice is happening everywhere in the United States and Adel's little chick articles about relationships and domestic emotional abuse will have to be put on the back burner. I explained this to her last night. After I came to, I started typing like I've never typed before.

I'm not sure what she hit me with,
but I found this on the floor next to me when I regained consciousness

Rape is a bad thing. I think the majority of us can agree with that. The minority of us needs to re-examine their lives before I use the tire iron of justice pictured above on them. But, yes, rape is a general no no.

Then why are electric companies allowed to rape us monthly? Each and every month I get a form of rape delivered to me from the US Post Office. It's the latest bill these ass jockeys send out to their victims. There I was; having a good old time watching "Sanford and Son." Then WHAM! You don't see it coming. The electric company jumps out of the bushes, throws you down, and proceeds to rape you and your bank account in the ass with a cactus.

It's usually a saguaro cactus too. They hurt most of all.

The power companies are like the mafia. A big, cactus thrusting, government OKed mafia. We're all at their mercy and they know it. They laugh every month, tallying our bills. I'm sure the billing department reeks of urine, considering they piss themselves with joy with each and every criminal bill they churn out.

Standard company issue for power company billing departments.

In the past few years, state governments have been deregulating electricity fees in an orgy of self serving rectal burning stupidity. Without at least some government regulation, every power company will run rampant through the world, hiking rates like Paris Hilton hiking her skirt at a Hollywood shindig.

[**I didn't want to run the chance of finding a pic that could illustrate the above point.**]

I can't open my electric bill without needing CPR anymore. They are so far on the side of extreme, it's laughable. In three years, electric bills have doubled, tripled, and quadrupled for your average family home. The reason? The power companies will tell you that it's the true cost of electricity (or coal, or nuclear fission, whatever). I took it upon myself to visit these wallet rapists and get some real answers. When I pulled into the parking lot, I was blinded by all high class cars. Cars with names like Mercedes, Lexus, Audi, and Jaguar dotted the scene. Then, on the other end, there were your basic 10 to 20 year old Cutlass Sierras, Ford Tempos, and such. Guess which level of management owns what.

This sure as hell isn't Larry's from the mail room.

Then, it all became clear; this is just another case of economic jackassary. As with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, these wondertards are completely pinching off the cash at the choke point. The income is top heavy in these companies. Actually reallocating funds and looking for efficient and logical ways to bring rates down for the consumer would get in the way of deepening their Scrooge McDuck- like swimming pools of money. I don't blame Irene from human resource. I blame Chet, the vice president of accounts receivable. Chet, you fucker!

You're pissing Ben Franklin off Chet. Electricity is his thing.

Sure, some power companies gleefully tell you that you can always choose where you get your power from. Feel free to find a local nuclear plant or dilithium crystal mine. Oh wait. Did I forget to mention that you still have to pay the power company within whose realm you fall into for CARRYING that electricity? That's right, you're fucked coming and going.

I think these guys have the corner on the whole dilithium thing.

I know what you're thinking: "But, Tresckow, maybe if you didn't use all those fancy disco lights and insisted on using a bulb from a lighthouse to illuminate your living room... maybe you would save some green." My response would be, "fuck you." I would totally deserve the financial anal raping if I was powering a small city inside my home. But, jerkass, I know how it goes. The more you use, the more you pay. There are only two of us in the house. We use the bare minimum. We do everything but wear coal miners helmets to avoid using the ceiling lights. We're talking $400 to $500 to achieve the bare minimum. That's shit like, keeping the appliances running, water pump for five minute showers, heat and air (every chance I get I crank that damn thermostat down to 65 in the winter to save a few cents). I refuse to not use the air conditioning. I must have standards.

Everyone needs to make a buck. I'm right there with them. But, when you're talking about charging your average Dick and Jane exorbitant rates for just the bare minimum for survival, you're talking about an outright crime against humanity.

Stalin would be so proud of you fucktards. Throw in a couple of racial slurs and you could make it to Hitler!