Historical Tirade #3: Custer’s Last Stand

By Tresckow

Midlife Crisis? Buy a Mustang you egotistical prick!

OK, Custer was an idiot. There, I said it and I'll say it again. Someone had to. Let's face it; George could not do the math. 250 poorly trained, poorly equipped, drunken part time cavalry troops WILL IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM even make a dent in an army of 4, 000 Lakota, Cheyenne, and Arapaho Indians. See what happens when you believe your own hype? You get shot in the chest three times and your entire troop compliment gets scalped (Thank you, France, for introducing that little chestnut to the US).

I will leave my feelings on the poor treatment of the various Indian tribes aside (yes, "Indian". I do not use the PC term). This was just not good planning. Somewhere along the line Custer obtained this illusion of invincibility and superiority. He thrived on it. He was given a battlefield commission of Brigadier General during the US Civil War. He did is job well for the Union Army. Custer then was demoted after the war and slammed back into the rank of Captain. It sort of sucks when all the people you once outranked now determine your fate. Should have been nicer to the minions, George.

So what does he do? He falls into the latest and greatest craze of pushing around assorted Indian tribes. Oppressing the Lakota was in vogue at the time. He's getting up there in years, balding, and I'm pretty sure he was taking fiber supplements. In short, he was going through a mid life crisis. Well, back in the nineteenth century you couldn't buy a sports car to, well, let's say compensate for your short comings. You rounded up a posse and oppressed bands of people weaker than you. That was the problem. The Lakota (and others) were ticked. They weren't the stupid slacked- jawed yokels the papers painted them to be. They organized. Ask Czar Nicholas. When a people organize someone is going down. It had to land on someone and that someone was George Armstrong Custer. Believing in his own greatness he believed the he "didn't need no stinking reconnaissance." He ran on up, opened fire, and found what can only be described as a wall of pretty peeved Lakota shooting at his troops. Check that. A wall of infinitely better equipped Lakota. You can only subjugate a people for so long before they get liquored up and buy guns.