An Extra Special Look Into a Rather Sleepless Night of a Diagnosed Insomniac

By Tresckow

Insomnia is great!

No, really.

How else would one experience the frustration of being awake and wired at 3 in the morning? You people who fall right to sleep as soon as your head hits the pillow don’t know what you’re missing.

There are a great many theories and medical explanations as to why insomnia occurs. It could be a shortage or over abundance of certain chemicals in the brain. It could be emotional issues. It could be stress. I like to think that it’s a knee slapping practical joke put on by the Sandman. That magic sleep dust carrying douche.

Not this Sandman.

But what happens when one is enduring the night while sleep has given him the finger? The easiest way to explain it is to track it:

1:00 AM

Realized it was 1 AM and I was still on the computer. Cursed taking two prescription medicines that keep me awake while they fight it out in my internal Thunderdome. I get frustrated, but try not to over think it. After all, thinking too much contributes to insomnia. I’m sure the Sandman is just running late. Right?

2:00 AM

I decide to go to bed and tough it out. I mean, come on! Who’s boss here? I am, damn it! I silently walk into the bedroom, only tripping over one cat. I fall into bed. Nope. Nothing. The Sandman asshole hasn’t hit my doorstep yet. Maybe he’s late. I do my best to clear my head of white noise. Oh, but wait, that makes it even worse. All of a sudden a tune from Bel Biv Devo pops into my head. Bel Biv Devo? Really? Are you kidding me? I hate them more than ever now. Yo! Sandman? You stuck in traffic?

You FUCKERS!

3:30 AM

I eventually get Bel Biv Devo out of my head; only to be replaced by some crappy top 40s song I inadvertently heard on the way home from work. Oh how I hate “modern” rock. It’s the equivalent of what Volkswagen did to the Beetle in the 90s…. made it look bad and suck. So I try to think about something else. Damn it! I shouldn’t be thinking at all. It’s friggin almost 4 in the morning! I suddenly want something bad to happen to the Sandman.

4:00 AM

My cats are acting like assholes. This is about the time. How can a sweet kitty prevent a grown man from sleeping? Especially when he’s soooooooo cute??

I must break you.

This little guy is hungry for some breakfast; an hour early. How does he express this hunger? He friggin poll vaults on the bed. Every two minutes he launches himself on the bed and uses the human beings on top as some sort of living, breathing pommel horse. He’s done this for years. He won’t stop. He’ll never stop. He will annoy. It’s what he does. It’s all he does! If I see the Sandman now, I’m going to kill him.

And I won't use any wimpy bullshit Peter Parker techniques, either.

5:00 AM

I relent and get my sorry ass out of bed to feed the cats; ungrateful bastards. I’m WIDE awake now. So, I get back on the computer to mess around with this blog. Yup, that’s the most constructive thing I can come up with. I tool around on Facebook… blah blah blah. It occurs to me that I might as well just stay up, since I have to get up in a little over two hours. But NO! Screw that Sandman son of a bitch. I don’t need him.

5:30 AM

Back in bed. Drifting off once in a while. Luckily, whenever I do someone (animal or human) is there to snap me out of it. I start wishing it was Friday. The disappointment that it is only Wednesday pisses me off. And that does wonders for my insomnia. Excellent! Now I’m pissed that it’s not Friday. Whoohooo!

That smug son-of-a-bitch knows it's Wednesday.

6:00 – 7:00 AM

Manage to catch sleep in 10 minute chunks. It’s sort of like losing consciousness when you’re drunk. Not when you’re REALLY drunk; that’s just vomiting and passing out (not necessarily in that order, mind you). I get into that comfy stage.. that blissful realm between being awake and falling asleep. You know…that realm you’re supposed to be in within FIVE HOURS of going to bed! Sandman, if I ever get a hold of you, get a car battery and anally electrocute you!

Guess where the other clamp is going?

7:45 AM

My alarm goes off. What? Are you shitting me? I just fell asleep like ten minutes ago!

7:46 AM

Email work and tell them I’m going to be late. Then I go back to bed.